Saturday, September 10, 2011

I remember

I remember 9/11 because it is the day I began to suffer the miscarriage of our ds Diego Romero.
I've also had a guilt underlying this event and the horrific tragedy that happened that day.
 my grief was deeper for my baby.
It just was and yes still is.
I've felt horrid and when this day comes I just remain silent . letting this sadness sit within me .
I have suffered many miscarriages but this one , that date , perhaps with such dramatic evnts such as this brings the meory of our loss back even stronger .
Maybe my guilt can pass into a new grief , a shared grief .I honestly don't know .I felt the guilt I cannot mourn our baby when so many others were dying ! and such a horrid death of innocent victims . how could I possibly express emotion in regards to losing a child when others are going through such pain and this is 10 yrs ago . sould I not be over this grief by now ? I wonder are people in NYC over greiving yet ? what I know from losing loved ones is as Toni Morrison said it is a disrespect to the dead to get over it . The pain is always there when we lose a child a loved one . Life goes on we evolve and do move on being productive individuals but do we forget , not have pain or sadness ever again . No.  
I know this feeling of guilt is wrong , I know I need get through it but for now that is what is going on with me emotionaly .

4 comments:

  1. I could not read and run.

    Grief never goes away, we just find ways to cope with the pain. There is not a cut of point which says you should be over the grief now, I know I still grieve for those I lost well over a decade ago, there is no time limit.

    There is no reason to feel guilt, you lost someone on this day too and all can be remembered together. Those who lost loved ones in the towers have a grief no lesser or greater then yours, love is unending and those we miss will always be remember by those who remain.

    frith
    J. x

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  2. Dear Rox,
    Our lives are not always so organised. You can still suffer grief and be sad for others and yet your own personal tragedy will always be greater than an event even sucha large event that does not affect you personally.
    I pray you have peace over this issue
    Blessings dear friend
    Gae

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  3. Dear Rox
    I found my way to your blog and I love it here - I decided to stay. Sharing your feelings of guilt and sadness and confusion is all part of the process and yes, even ten years later. Thank you for sharing as it gives others the opportunity to feel their own sadness, guilt and confusion about their own losses. Sometimes the same wave has to slam onto the beach many a time before it is spent. be blessed

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  4. how blessed I am ! thank You each one of you for your sympathy and kind words !
    it is so strange that a pain we were not even aware of can arise like that ! I guess I've miscarried so often and grived etc. yet this one expereince as each in its own needs its own time to heal. yes sorrow is so real and so true and it never truly leaves just becomes a part of the acceptance healed . acknowledgment of pain is so often hard for people yet it is the first step towards healing and for me it just burst out this time .I think it was the trigger of such focus on that number 10 year that did it for me . just came bubbling up !
    as soon as I wrote , prayed , acknowldeged the pain lessened . letting go of a guilt which is really unfounded and not mine but rather a pain of loss which we all share andcarry together .
    Thanks so much
    rox

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