Friday, February 24, 2012

Letter D ~ Dance Dress

Letter D ~ Dance Dress

I was struggling with what my next D word would be . I had thought dance then dress , then had almost made up my mind on devil .
Then last night after attending the opening ceremony for the grow local food conference and listening to Winona Laduke speak I knew .
The Dance Dress was it .
I love how when we are patient good stuff comes.
 I have another post going on and about isolation of not being one of the crowd especially when we do not have money .
As I mentioned in earlier posts I have felt a calling to the Ghost Dance for some time now. This is the year I accepted that calling .
The calling to a dance of souls , a dance of ancestors , a dance of peace and most of all a dance to restore unity of all relations .
I am one who loves to go by and learn true & real tradition .
I am also one who believe it very important to follow calling and not get caught up in doing just because everyone else is doing it.
 Many I know are doing the Sundance . Many who are not called to partake in it .
It has become part of generic trend to be cool etc.
Of course there are traditional sundancers & dances happening . Many are called to return to this dance . Yet not all are called .
To enter into sundance one is to either dream of it or be told by an elder to partake . This dance is for all who follow the red road and not just for aboriginal peoples . It is shared just as any other spiritual and religious teaching . a Caucasian person dancing the sundance is no different then a Chinese person receiving the eucharist . if one is meant to do so and it is ones calling it just is .
This sundance has never been given to me .
I respect and honour that .
I felt unworthy that my call to the ghost dance was not real . Why me ? I'm a nobody downing myself etc.
Then my teacher said I have to believe in me who I am as shaman , teacher etc. then the dance is mine .
I feel very strongly in the power of prayer . Dance is a very strong method of prayer .
I have always loved dance since childhood. I tend to like very traditional forms of dance .
In aboriginal culture here I am most drawn to the traditional dance of the men more than the women. I think that is a little of my two spirited person .
I love the shirts and dresses that are truly traditional adorned with real beads of stone , wood & seeds , shells etc. painted with natural colourings .
I see the ghost dance it is a dance for both genders but mostly two spirited peoples .
I felt I need to make a dress . To work on this during the next year.
So I've been studying ghost dance shirts & dresses .
I know I need hands and a Thunderbird image . I know it needs red, yellow , black & maybe white .
I will attach gifts found during the next few seasons as spiritual gifts helping me to prepare for this dance .
Okay I still haven't a clue where I am going to take part in this dance . However the one thing I do not have doubt is that it will be sent it will be given the where & the when .
Last night I had such an affirmation of the right road . The ceremony began with drum and dance . The Hoop Dance !
I had not seen the Hoop Dance for 20 yrs !
Our ds Dacotah loved the Hoop Dance and when I learned that one usually starts at a very young age I was sad I had not sought out the means for Dacotah to take part in this beautiful gift .
Then Winona told the story of the Winnemem Wintu and their dance to return the Salmon
It gives me great hope . Like these people I have sorrow . yet it does not mean I give up. No so I will continue to teach our children once again the aboriginal ways . Return to the callings we each as individuals are called to . I've no doubt Dacotah will find his dance again as he has begun to attend sweats and meet with elders .
The Ghost Dance for me personally makes sense it is and will help me to grow more into who I am and my role as shaman .
A very sacred and soulful time to journey .
For this I am Blessed

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Yoga & Dead people

 this  irks me the wrong way  these writings ( not all ) . Now I know where she and many like her are coming from .They are deeply rooted in the belief that being a true catholic really means you have a certain image mainly a catholic american or european image . It is actually a cultural image not given by god but made up by people . you don't talk to trees , you don't use herbs in prayers etc. you may eat healthy even have a home birth but you are supposed to seperate the creation of other god made things from people . so say goodbye to such saints as hildegard , francis , charbel and others then ;-)

Awhile back she wrote about the new age community taking hold of her area . and the post was mostly about why catholics are not and do not pray to dead people .
what ?
then what the hell is intercession then ? what in the veneration of relics then ?
praying and honouring the dead is about one the most pagan things catholics do !
when calling upon the virgin mary or st. francis what is one doing exactly ?
asking the intercession of that departed soul who is now a spirit to help us !
Thats it nothing more or less .
I have trouble with certain aspects of the new age community too but honestly it is the human greed aspect that is a part of all religions and all peoples even if they d not practice a religion .
raping land of gold and silver to line huge cathedrals or taking gemstones out of the ground to heal someones back pain are the same selfish practices !
so in response to her yoga thing  I remembered the article I wrote about it and get this it was almost exactly one year ago that I wrote it .  
I also wrote about the difference between assimilation and the confusion people have regarding culture and religion . The church in Canada and some other countries now practice  Interculturation  now I know some disagree with me but I believe the sharing ones religion and spirituality is okay and there are many missionaries who do this be they pagan , Buddhist , hindu etc. if we share we are in fact evangelizing . what is not sharing is telling someone they need believe your belief is true . There are just as many hate felt neo pagans out there who believe they are right as there are christians .
anyway why I feel this woman is missing the boat on what a true catholic is and I can hardly wait til the church goes back to pre Roman times .
I think one of the best examples of a real catechist was Black Elk he was a true and real catechist .How about ST.Teresa of Calcutta ? She practiced yoga and never told people to stop .
so for any catholics who do yoga and pray to and with dead people .
Keep going it is okay to do so.
If you feel a call that you should stop , then stop.
but yoga is in no way a sin . it is not sinful to practice yoga .
the church does not ( if you are a catholic who believes all the church says ) say one cannot practice yoga . again if you read my article I wrote on Yoga & ST.John de Britto there are many examples of catholics , religious & lay who practice yoga .  
Remember it is between you and your god . no one else . 

Friday, February 17, 2012

Letter D ~ Drum

Letter D


The Drum is often said to be the heartbeat of Mother Earth.
When the drum is played it is the intuition reminder of our life within the womb .
When I was a child my Grandmother gave me a drum . I loved my drum so much . It helped keep me strong and grounded .
As I grew into a teen I became separated from the drum . Then as a young adult and new parent I neglected my drum . I gave it to my kids to play with and ultimately all that is left of that drum is the skin .
I have felt a calling back to the drum since I began attending the aboriginal catholic church . Yet all attempts to join a group kept falling through .
Last yr when I attended the Medicine Wheel workshop I was reminded once again my call to the drum . A man shared his story of how he had also lost touch and then one day he walked into the friendship center and they were drumming . It reminded him of when he was a child and the drum would call to him from across the river . Often it was pow wow drum he heard yet he was told he could not attend . pow wow was bad . a heathen thing to do etc. he went through most of life drifting , feeling less than . Until that day he met the drum again .
I love pow wow drum so much it is such a a strong calling . I am thankful for my mother at least having the nerve when I was a child to take me to pow wow , the friendship center and giving me that healthy exposure .
I also love the traditional dance to the drum . it is a form of prayer for me and also helps me be grounded .
So now I am struggling . Do I make a drum or buy a drum ? There is a drum I like the image on it is of Mother Earth . Yet it somehow seems wrong to me to buy a drum .
It seems more personal to make it myself.
My dh is a musician and mostly a drummer . He is excellent & brilliant when it comes to afro , cuban & jazz, funk rhythms . He has made himself drums so it makes sense he help me . Yet his time is so limited .he is working so hard on other projects .
I'm not quite sure where or what I am to do next but I do know I need not be afraid and this is to be the year I connect to my drum .
I have learned a little of celtic style drumming from back in my folky hippies days and I enjoy it too .
I like some female artists like Kelliana and Loreena Mckennitt . The Dragon Ritual Drummers remind me of my dh ☺

However the drumming I love most and am connected to most is that of Native Americans especially the Sioux

I am also interested in having the drum be a tool to help me more in my vision & prayer work so am trying to read more about how this is done in Shamanism .
This I think is the true calling right now in walking with Kateri the pipe and the drum . To work on my personal spiritual being in order to work and help community .
The drum calls and reminds me of my great mother . My gift of life and who I am .
I return to her great womb , to grow , be comforted , gather truths & strengths .
Emerging renewed and rebirthed .
This reminds me of the Lenten season so much .
I have also felt a great calling to fast again . In the christian season I love lent . I love fasting . working on what needs to be cast out in order to grow.
What better way to get clean then to spend time with our mother .
To listen to that heartbeat and in fact become one with it yet again .
As a mother myself I wish to pass on that wisdom . Those traditions to help keep our children connected . It has got to be one of the worst fears for a parent that children would become lost and not know how much they are loved . I beleive if we give them good solid traditions to come back to just as we do when we fall they will always come out strong. Our ds16 & ds24 have begun to have interest in the sweatlodge etc. ds16 especially can benefit from connection to the drum I feel. He has chance to attend a youth group to be a part of drumming and prepare for vision quest . I think to encourage him in this is a must so he can have a healthy future . I can just him using his strength with the drum in such a positive way to help himself and share with others.
So I have no doubt that there is a great spiritual journey ahead for both myself and our family with the drum this year . I am feeling very blessed and humbled at the same time for this truly is an honour and I am so grateful to recieve such blessings .

Below is a youtube video I found I ho[pe it works

Monday, February 13, 2012

Perspective ~ bring it home

After living the past week in doubt , the weekend came , and Thank the gods for change , change of perpective .
My dh & I were getting lost in th9is sea of doubt again .
will it ever happen , where do we belong , what are we doing ?
I was looking at shaman courses costing over $250. something which we could never affrod .
something this weekend brought us back to !
I am an shman . true shaman do not charge money ! Be they local or international a true shamans purpose is to help community and it will never invove moneies . And the ones we teach are choen to help community as well that is the only purpose to teach another . Not to be self serving , to be strong and powerful and have attention as a guru witch !
So out of that came the reserction ! renewed spirit once again .
we do have and come from a beautiful community .
see the picture above , I just can't beleive that I will wake to this every day . that it is our choice and it is the most right one for us .
Below are pictures our community both woods and happenings .

rose hip

morning pine

birch snow

walk to lake

frozen fish heads from ice fishing make dogs happy

flowwing deer trails

and a few people trails

we attended the Grand Old Opry show where performers act out roles of famous opry folk . such as Dolly



the band was awesome we love our Metis music guitars , fiddles etc. what is it with living in swamps & fiddle playing lol

We then attended the Interfaith service & pancake breakfast

There was the Bells of Praise choir !

Dad & Adventure boy enjoyed it very much

I had never seen this group , they are amazing , really beautiful

There was even a horse sleigh !!

We met family & friends and were so encouraged by people to begin our little farm and help in the community . 

Friday, February 10, 2012

Call to Baneful Herbs & Flying Ointments

I have really felt called to write about my Calling to work with the Baneful Herbs ( this is not a complete list ) 
First off let me say this is my personal calling & experience , I cannot speak for others , I a not teaching how to use baneful herbs for your own personal use .
I have only just begun a slow process of getting to know these plants of mystery .
As most know I am called to work with many plants within my spiritual life be it tree, flower , herb or root. At times I do work with other items such as bone , elements etc. however all my prayers work with and are connected to the plant world .
Plants I was unfamiliar working with were these baneful herbs . Yes I know the local poisonous botany of our area and to the extent I always stayed away from them . be respectful. They wish to for most part be left alone .
I also believe this is due to I raised 6 children and also was caregiver to many other children . So the working with these plants just never came up .
I first encountered knowing of people consuming these plants via a dear friend who for whatever reason always has been called to be near these plants . She in fact has experienced the effects of monkshood , tansy and also the milder Himalayan impatiens . Her garden is awesome like I she is a free spirit and wild gardener .
As some who know me closely know my ex passed away almost 3 yrs ago due to lung cancer . This was only almost two yrs of him losing his common law partner to a heart attach . She was somewhat of a beginner gardener . When my dd was left to inherit all his belongings this included the home and all the plants within the yard . It was April and  luckily a very warm spring some of the snow had gone and I could identify Lily tops dried , roses etc. There were some non known plants to me but not knowing what the new owners would do to the place I chose to take many plants along .
Devils Club showed up along with some gorgeous wild Lilies . However there was one viney type plant I did not know . it in a shaded area as she had it placed . It grew and began to vine about . It was my Mother who said it looked like a nightshade .

Sure enough The plant produced these most beautiful little purple flowers & a dark orangish red berry .
I was scared !
I knew my friends experience with these plants and I unlike she was not yet prepared to try nor work with this plant .
Yet I no longer have small children . I was not even providing daycare for our grandson any longer .So I felt I was to leave her . Just respect her presence .
This is what I mean when we are really called to work with a plant or herb . It can take yrs . It is not a rush rush thing .
So there she sat for one yr . Belonging , settling in . Then it came to be , Last Summer , the call to protection again . Very much rowan but something else extremely powerful and strong .

 My garden was not the glory she usually is . Having been in transition out at my Mother's for 5 months , buying our land I only had those plants which abound on their own who also are very free spirits .
 Darling Nightshade came to me yet again !
I made a very special prayer stick of protection , binding and banishing .
This was for a specific family deep in denial about generational child sexual abuse ( incest ) keeping children safe & an abuser away .
That was that , back to letting her rest .
Then yet another plant has begun over the last two yrs to present itself .

Yet another member of the nightshade family .
I only knew of Mandrake via the movie Pan's Labyrinth . That as it . Both male & female a two spirited plant .
Came to me a yr. ago.
Again I was fearful but rather I am beginning to see this is not so much fear as my gift of true discernment which always involves great prudence ( caution )
should I not be cautious ? Should I not wish to be open to know true intent & purpose ?
Of course !
Mandrake has led me over the yr. to learn more of Flying Ointments
something which I learned via Susun Weed ( such a long time mentor ) & an article in Llewellyn's 2010 Herbal  . I have been studying . I am not sure yet at this point am I to personally use such herbs in something like a flying ointment or perhaps again for certain ritual & prayers within fire , candle , stick . You see I was reminded that I already have that which most use flying ointments for . The purpose is clear vision . perhaps at some point I will be in need of an ointment for this purpose on a personal level. But what was shown to me is I have already as this is one of my being receiving true vision .
This is what discernment and time really value time as a tool will lead to .True awareness.
Well today I learned Not now ! not for me . For another !
I know the who and the why ! Mandrake I thought perhaps it was personal to help me regarding our fiances to build on land . As Mandrake is also used for this purpose of finance .
Lol for all I wish this to be about me , it figures it was not . I am merely the shaman called .
 So mandrake it is in regards to a woman . From the same family mentioned before . The other adult in the situation who has the power to stop abuse . Yet views oneself as victim because she herself is not healed from sexual abuse .
That is it . Mandrake powerful sexual healer . True sexuality not twisted and destorted .
This person is a dry drunk now not a recovered alcoholic and the child most abused is now damaged from yrs of street life suffering brain trauma from meth/crack addiction .
What is this woman investigating now ? Flying ointments !
Okay this is where I will speak and tell people who should not use a flying ointment !
Those who have suffered from addiction and especially those who have not recovered use , if ever .
My dh like many who do use flying ointments have tried other plants sources that produce similar effects . although ointments are not to produce hallucinations ! we are not addicts . There was a time I thought I was but I found out via counsel no I never was an addict.
I also want to point out some are called to work with herbs some are not . It does not mean people should not garden , grow things . Even I go to an herbalist for most medical ailments .
 However I come from traditional herbalists , midwives both my great grandmothers and many aunties as well were also . My people always have been cunning folk and country bumpkins .
I am I am not a wanna be and I know it may sound harsh but it is truth many do not know what the hell they are doing !
I just illustrated the amount of time It has taken me to work with just two herbs !
So now my Mandrake shall be on its way and I still will need time to pray on the how I will be working with this herb but there is no doubt of the why I was called !
which brings me next to my next little fellow !

Yes with the issue of baneful herbs and psychoactive plants coming up .
I feel the need to learn more about this one
. Why , well today just this morning I asked the question why .
I remembered just after my ex and I split up to get myself up and out again & heal I began to attend art shows , classical concerts & foreign film .
One of the best films I've ever viewed was a Spanish Film The Spirit of the Beehive  . It was an amazing movie of family dysfunction what people do with their unhappiness and how lost children can become when neglected .
The little girl the main character finds this mushroom .
The mushroom in the movie reminded me !

5 yrs ago when walking we came across three oak trees trying very hard to grow within the forest. This is a rarity in the boreal forest as it is mostly coniferous trees , some birch polar but rarely oak .
There was this one of the tallest
and then two others little babies struggling to grow

At the time we had been desperately been praying for the afore mentioned family,  the mother and her twin teens . They had just begun using crack and she declined to belie. Our children cried often that yr. for this family . Who knows the healing that could come had the mother actually listened .
The boys and I prepared a ceremony . We made a special smudge and our ds brought his eagle feather .
We smudged each tree and said prayers .
Since that time one of the baby trees has perished and the other is very stunted and not growing much at all.
However what reminded me how this is all connected and not let self doubt come about was this little fellow

Now this mushroom appeared out of no where !
Our family has never seen this variety here ever . Not in the past . Not since this day .
These mushrooms do grow in the boreal forest but they are not known to grow here in our province or our area .
I feel very strongly we are to continue our prayers for this family , even though I do not wish to. I wish with all my heart they'd leave all parts of our memory . Yet it is not to be so .
So I await the arrival of mandrake and shall continue to pray on the flying agaric .
I will continue to be open to the fact should I be led to the use of flying ointments for myself .But thus far I've only been shown the why I'm not to and just work respectfully with these plants in a non ingestive way .

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Centered ~ Community ~ Christopagan

Centered ~ Community ~ Christopagan

Letter C ~ PBP

We are planning to go offline soon , so I'm trying to get any online work done today .Then it shall be every Thursday at the library for us so I may end up having to post early to PBP each week .
I still have several reading / writing commitments online and I intend to make PBP a continued dedication . I am learning so much and have been forming some very wonderful friendships as a result of partaking .
Which brings me to my C topic of the week . Community ! I honestly think it a very rare thing people called to hermitage & isolation . Not that some are not but even hermits had/have outside communities whom helped them at times .
 do like my alone time but also thrive on my family , gal pal and other communities.
Then I began to think of my beautiful communities , fellowships . It led me to see and know how much I value both my christian & pagan communities but also my awesome christopagan communities .
I began to think of my communities online .
How being dead headed pagan outright and christian hating  , then going the complete opposite deep into hardcore Catholicism being afraid of the occult . This does not mean I was not me . 
I've always been a pacifist , peace builder , protector , wisewoman .
If we are open we will always be open to ackonowldge our fear , prejudice and grow .
Then emerging myself again to be more balanced and all I can be .
Not to judge others because the fact is all communities have people who are fearful. I've met horrid abusive fearful  pagans just as there are  christians .Some within my own family .
Yet who am I drawn to , people of like mind , within all religions .
Peers & Mentors often from both communities.
I am balanced , Centered .
Yet are there not so many who are blended . Who are open and accepting what has been passed down .
I am a very tradi person as I've said before . I tend to like to get to the root how people lived , practiced ritual etc.
Online I have really great community but I was thinking here I do too and the plans we make to return home to our property . I realized how we in fact returning to
both christian and pagan ways .
As in most small communities the church is a place where people gather , the churches tend to be thriving compared to the churches within the cities.

We are returning more and more to traditional aboriginal teachings . Our ds16 is joining the drumming group and planning for a vision quest with the elders .
We are learning tradi ways of living off the land such as hunting and gathering but also the ceremonies.
It is strange but it is within the christopagan communities I have not heard the I'm not catholic enough or I'm not pagan enough . I can just be me .
During the teaching of the medicine wheel a medicine man told me he got alot of slack from people on the reserve for attending church . Yet he said it is who he is . He totally encouraged me to attend . Our church has pipe ceremony , the 4 directions etc. . I love it .
I connect very much with celtic christianity not so much the pagan , yet I am trying . I think it very european and hard for me to connect compared to the more Indigenous religious ways .
what I hope is I become more and more open to how the divine wishes to connect with me .
I want to not ignore but receive .
I know someoneso stubborn headed it is very evident that Our Lady Guadalupe is calling her . Yet because of her fear of the catholic church ( afear that is not even hers but rather passed on . ) she keeps ignring her . It keeps this woman stuck for yrs searching and searching . when one easy " hello " would open her up to a whole new growth . 

Ceremonies which often are also now included within the catholic church .
I know some hardcore baptists say catholics are pagans ( this is expressed as a bad thing by them ) because they use statues , beads etc. well perhaps true catholics really are pagan , with 3 in one etc.have you seen thge shrines at Chimayo ! trees with cards , rosaries and milagros all nailed on .  
Ceremony even in old Europe often included celebrating known pagan feasts such as lamas or May day within the walls of christian churches. I honestly think this is why the concept of thanksgiving in America was come about because of the old pagan celebrations in Europe .
How many witches who were burned were actually christians ?

how may good and horrid influences did pagan Rome have on the the christian religion  .
also people mistake not all aboriginal peoples were of pagan religions either many tribes believed in one creator such as old man , great spirit etc.

I know many people want to say people gave up pagan ways to worship christ but I don't personally believe it .
Many pagan peoples took on worship of gods, spirits etc. of others .
I just recently received a book about Blessed Kateri written by a Mohawk author from an aboriginal prespective .


I think of people like Kateri & Juan Diego

and Brigid too. Did they stop their ritual and ways of worship. ? I highly doubt it . When we here Brigid became a bishop this was a common celtic christian practice a bishop is a priestess . I think she believed Jesus was god just as much as she'd have believed Danu was .
I also was thinking of ancient christopagan religions . how this is not a knew thing .
the evolution of a religion too.
Look at Hoodoo,  PowWow , & Curanderismo 
look at the Rom peoples and the Fairy Doctors of the Iles .
 how many cultures incorporate the religious practices and take on belief of others is not knew , it always has been .
I have thought of my ancestors and what has been taught and given . did they get it all wrong ? just the christian ones ? just the pagan ones ?
No ! of course not .
Why on earth would I not believe in both fey & saints . Krishna & the Sacred Heart .  The Devil & Krampus  
I think I was born into investigating it all .To be open mind.  . My great grandmother who was Pennsylvania Dutch was very interested in Hinduism at the same time Helen Nearing was .
My Lebanese Catholic Great Grandmother prayed the rosary but also beleived in spirits , read tea leaves knew omens etc.

I think of people who wish to insist beautiful people belong to their religion just like the seasons , sun , moon & stars . nope , the only thing it all belongs to is that who created .
So there are some beautiful christo pagan souls who have inspired me Like Chief Dan George 

Nicholas Black Elk
Thomas Merton

what about ST.Francis ?

Hildegard is someone who taught me so much about herbal & elemental spirituality . I love this painting of her with the flame coming out of her head !

Her work is just so incredible. I can't help but think had she been born in another century or two she'd have been placed on trial as a witch .

Anam Cara is a Celtic Pagan practice continued on by many celtic christians .

Some modern day people be they christian or pagan or both have been true leading lights in how many of our lives such as juliette de bairacli levy

Jeannine Parvati Baker

Harish Johari
Susun Weed

Dali Lama

Momma T

of course there are books
that I love that help me in being true to who I am
I love Judika Illes writings .

Someone just recommended this book to me . I can hardly wait . As I have really felt called to work very much with the baneful herbs and flying ointments . I 'm trying to absorb all I can in prep for growing , harvesting , these plants . I also feel close to Pan right now ;-)